This morning I awoke to the sound of fog horns releasing their low, slow bellow out in the bay. I know they really are the sound of warning. But I love the sound. They seem to speak to me as I lay in bed: sleep, sleeeep. It’s hard for me to stir out of my slumber when I’m under the influence of their drone. I know it’s going to be a dreary morning before I even look outside. I am not inclined to get out of my warm cozy bed, but I do, I have to work.
Before I broke free from the heavy tones holding me in my bed I pondered my dream from last night. I had heart surgery in my sleep. It’s strange, I don’t often remember my dreams, but this is the second night in a row I’ve recalled them. The night before I dreamed I was pregnant again while I already had a newborn. I just kept having babies after babies after babies and I didn’t know what to do with them all.
I don’t know much about dream interpretation. For all I know these could be the result of indigestion. But, they make sense for where I am in life. I have had a new creative energy. Some of which is coming out in my more frequent blogging. I have been producing more creative works. It is something I haven’t done in a long while. I am enjoying it, but sometimes I feel like I have fire shut up in my bones and if I don’t make time to release some of it I will explode.
I am birthing many kinds of children these days in the form of words and thoughts and new ideas. I am also undergoing a kind of soul surgery. Things are being removed from my life and other things are being added to it. Just like any recovery process, sometimes it hurts to laugh. Others, it hurts to cry. But each day the healing continues and I am amazed at the new work God is making in my life.
© Michelle Scott 2006
Friday, January 13, 2006
Monday, January 09, 2006
Isaac's on the Altar
I just finished reading a great book called Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. My soul was just ripe for its message. At the conclusion of the book he writes that trusting God comes down to laying the Isaac in your life on God’s altar.
I’ve been thinking about that. I’ve had to do that recently and I got mad when there was no “ram in the bush” to take the place of my offering. I thought if I was obedient in my offering, God would relent at the last minute and reward my obedience by replacing what I had laid on the altar with something else. God didn’t. And what was so dear to me is gone.
I tried to explain to God that this isn’t how it’s supposed to work. There’s supposed to be a replacement. I really shouldn’t have to give this up. But here’s what I learned, God will do what will make you trust him more. If it’s supplying a ram in the bush, he will do it. If it’s allowing you to go through with the original sacrifice, he will allow it. That’s how God works. He always has the big picture in mind. He looks beyond our immediate pain to the good things that are down the road. The things we can’t see just yet.
That’s where trust comes in. We have to trust that God is good. There’s a lot of proof of that. Just look at God’s creation, or the miracles he’s worked, the good things he’s already done in our lives. Most importantly, look to the cross where Jesus endured incredible pain and loss so that we could have the good things God has in store for us.
In this process I’ve spent a lot of time shaking my fist at the sky asking God “Why?” And God replied to me much the same way he replied to Job. God reminded me of his great glory (see 12/28/05 entry) and his incomprehensible nature. Even if God were to answer my question, I do not have the capacity to understand it. My mind cannot begin to grasp the ways of God. And as one of my favorite preachers, Tim Keller, said – Is God someone you should treat as your assistant? In other words, I cannot ask God to be accountable to me. I am accountable to him and as such I have no grounds to ask the Creator of the Universe why part of my life didn’t work the way I wanted it to.
So, what is left is trust. Trust that God did the right thing and will continue to do so. Trust that God has better things in store for me. Because this is what he promised, to lead us, to be our Good Shepherd and supply all our needs.
© Michelle Scott 2006
I’ve been thinking about that. I’ve had to do that recently and I got mad when there was no “ram in the bush” to take the place of my offering. I thought if I was obedient in my offering, God would relent at the last minute and reward my obedience by replacing what I had laid on the altar with something else. God didn’t. And what was so dear to me is gone.
I tried to explain to God that this isn’t how it’s supposed to work. There’s supposed to be a replacement. I really shouldn’t have to give this up. But here’s what I learned, God will do what will make you trust him more. If it’s supplying a ram in the bush, he will do it. If it’s allowing you to go through with the original sacrifice, he will allow it. That’s how God works. He always has the big picture in mind. He looks beyond our immediate pain to the good things that are down the road. The things we can’t see just yet.
That’s where trust comes in. We have to trust that God is good. There’s a lot of proof of that. Just look at God’s creation, or the miracles he’s worked, the good things he’s already done in our lives. Most importantly, look to the cross where Jesus endured incredible pain and loss so that we could have the good things God has in store for us.
In this process I’ve spent a lot of time shaking my fist at the sky asking God “Why?” And God replied to me much the same way he replied to Job. God reminded me of his great glory (see 12/28/05 entry) and his incomprehensible nature. Even if God were to answer my question, I do not have the capacity to understand it. My mind cannot begin to grasp the ways of God. And as one of my favorite preachers, Tim Keller, said – Is God someone you should treat as your assistant? In other words, I cannot ask God to be accountable to me. I am accountable to him and as such I have no grounds to ask the Creator of the Universe why part of my life didn’t work the way I wanted it to.
So, what is left is trust. Trust that God did the right thing and will continue to do so. Trust that God has better things in store for me. Because this is what he promised, to lead us, to be our Good Shepherd and supply all our needs.
© Michelle Scott 2006
Friday, January 06, 2006
Shout Out
I wanna give a shout out to Stacy at Rite Aid. My asthma is acting up and I ran out of medicine so I called my doctor to get a new prescription. She said, “No problem, I’ll call it in.” So, I go to Rite Aid the next day to pick it up. They dug and dug and finally found the order. The cashier told me there was a problem with my insurance company and they were going to call again about it. I thought it was no big deal since it’s early in the New Year and this happens a lot at the beginning of a new calendar year. Then Stacy called me over. She explained that there was a typo in the prescription and the insurance company declined it. They’ve been trying to straighten it out, but the insurance company is not answering their phones because they are overwhelmed with the Medicare changes.
So, Stacy let me take the inhaler home without paying. She just asked me to come back in on Monday to settle the bill. I couldn’t believe it! Actual compassion! Her kindness carried me through several other interchanges with less-than-kind people. I just thought to myself . . . remember Stacy. There ARE nice people after all.
© Michelle Scott 2006
So, Stacy let me take the inhaler home without paying. She just asked me to come back in on Monday to settle the bill. I couldn’t believe it! Actual compassion! Her kindness carried me through several other interchanges with less-than-kind people. I just thought to myself . . . remember Stacy. There ARE nice people after all.
© Michelle Scott 2006
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