Subway Rant

I realized today while watching a woman meticulously apply all of her makeup on the train while being forced off of a pole because of a “leaner” that I have developed a long list of what should be common sense social etiquette regarding subway behavior. So, to help people out, I have composed a list of things to avoid. I have witnessed all of these at least once (and I am sure there is more weirdness to come).

There are other people on the train with you . . .
Don’t lean on the poles, other people need them. The only reason I can find for someone to willfully to continue leaning after people are trying to find a space to hang on is that you want to be groped. (ewwww I just grossed myself out!)

Your down time on the train is NOTa perfect opportunity to test all the ringtones on your phone to decide which one you like best. I experience this at least once a week.

Neither do we want to listen to you try and pick up a girl (see previous post 5/10/05)

Please do not attempt to bring three instrument cases on the train and set them immediately in front of the door, THEN act confused when people have problems leaping over them on their way in and out of the train.

The train is not a spa . . .
I understand putting on some lipstick or powdering your nose, but doing the whole shebang from foundation to eyeliner on the train is a bit outrageous.

Nail polish and nail polish remover stink worse than the train already does. Have a heart.

Clipping your nails . . . . come on!!!! Those shards could land in my coffee. No one can really keep them under control.

Eyebrow plucking can get dangerous. Where do the tweezers go when the train comes to a sudden stop?

Flossing . . . .no commentary needed.

Common sense . . .
Aerosols should be avoided—like testing that can of spray paint on your jeans.

Polishing your shoes is on the edge of reasonable, but wiping the excess polish on the seat where someone is going to sit, is just plain mean.

Casting spells and curses on innocent train riders is generally not a good way to start the day.

Denying a seat to a pregnant woman because you’re saving it for your friend — who is getting on at the next stop is not nice.

Oh! And it really does “speed your ride” when you wait for everyone to get off the train before getting on.


I realize that some seasoned New Yorkers will read this and laugh at my naiveté. But this stuff is not normal.

© Michelle Scott 2005

Waking Up Right

This morning I was sooo good, and now I feel good. I don’t know why I can’t seem to make myself do this more often. What I’m talking about is getting up an hour earlier, exercise and have some quiet time before starting my day. It makes such a difference. I have the intention nearly every night when I go to sleep, but when that alarm goes off at 6:00 I can normally think of enough excuses to sleep in and the other stuff gets put off until that evening, or not at all. I just wish I could remember how good I’ll feel afterward and get my butt out of bed more often.

So, since I was out of bed so early, I watched some news. They are doing a special on finding “cheap” or “reasonably priced” apartments in Manhattan. One woman was looking for an apartment for $1,000/month. The local news could not find one for her, but they did find one for $1,195. She was so excited, talked about how spacious it was, etc, etc. Okay, then they showed the place. It is a basement apartment that has (drum roll please) 400 square feet. Spacious?!?! Affordable?!?!! This place is crazy.

© Michelle Scott 2005

How NOT to pick up a woman

All I have to say is: the subway is not a single’s bar. That’s it. I don’t think it should be that confusing. It’s morning. You’re on a train. We are all slogging our way to work, and most of us just want some peace and quiet. Normally, people oblige. Today was not one of those days, I sitting in front of a nice looking woman who apparently, the man standing behind her mistook for someone looking for a date.

The conversation broke into my consciousness when the woman refused to give the man his name. His name is, “Mark, for what it’s worth. Are you sure you can’t tell me your name?” So, about four stops later he runs out of his rehearsed stories, planned to charm any woman about meeting celebrities on the train and how women in New York are either beautiful or nice, but never both (how was that supposed to make her feel??) and his aspirations of directing, acting and screen writing. He starts to move on to finding out more about her.

“So, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m a bookkeeper.”
“Fascinating,” (At this point, I am involuntarily rolling my eyes) “Maybe one day you can be my bookkeeper when I become rich and famous. You know, I’ll need someone to keep track of all that money for me.” (I’ve nearly rolled my eyes out of my head by this point.)

So, I just need to get this out there: Guys, we KNOW when you’re lying, we KNOW when what you’ve said is well rehearsed. And FINALLY it’s not nice to try to pick people up in front of a train packed with people trying to mind your own business.

© Michelle Scott 2005