Subway Rant

I realized today while watching a woman meticulously apply all of her makeup on the train while being forced off of a pole because of a “leaner” that I have developed a long list of what should be common sense social etiquette regarding subway behavior. So, to help people out, I have composed a list of things to avoid. I have witnessed all of these at least once (and I am sure there is more weirdness to come).

There are other people on the train with you . . .
Don’t lean on the poles, other people need them. The only reason I can find for someone to willfully to continue leaning after people are trying to find a space to hang on is that you want to be groped. (ewwww I just grossed myself out!)

Your down time on the train is NOTa perfect opportunity to test all the ringtones on your phone to decide which one you like best. I experience this at least once a week.

Neither do we want to listen to you try and pick up a girl (see previous post 5/10/05)

Please do not attempt to bring three instrument cases on the train and set them immediately in front of the door, THEN act confused when people have problems leaping over them on their way in and out of the train.

The train is not a spa . . .
I understand putting on some lipstick or powdering your nose, but doing the whole shebang from foundation to eyeliner on the train is a bit outrageous.

Nail polish and nail polish remover stink worse than the train already does. Have a heart.

Clipping your nails . . . . come on!!!! Those shards could land in my coffee. No one can really keep them under control.

Eyebrow plucking can get dangerous. Where do the tweezers go when the train comes to a sudden stop?

Flossing . . . .no commentary needed.

Common sense . . .
Aerosols should be avoided—like testing that can of spray paint on your jeans.

Polishing your shoes is on the edge of reasonable, but wiping the excess polish on the seat where someone is going to sit, is just plain mean.

Casting spells and curses on innocent train riders is generally not a good way to start the day.

Denying a seat to a pregnant woman because you’re saving it for your friend — who is getting on at the next stop is not nice.

Oh! And it really does “speed your ride” when you wait for everyone to get off the train before getting on.


I realize that some seasoned New Yorkers will read this and laugh at my naiveté. But this stuff is not normal.

© Michelle Scott 2005